# Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

# Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

# Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

# If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

# The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

# The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.

# An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

# Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure. Great discoveries are made by mistake.

# Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

# Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

# All’s well that ends.

# A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

# The first myth of management is that it exists.

# A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.

# New systems generate new problems.

# To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

# We don’t know one millionth of one percent about anything.

# Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. ~Arthur C. Clark

# A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

# Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.

# Some people manage by the book, even though they don’t know who wrote the book or even what book.

# The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

# To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.

# After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.

# Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.

# A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.

# If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.

# Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

# Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a “Pearl Harbor File.”

# Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

# If you can’t understand it, it is intuitively obvious.

# The more cordial the buyer’s secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.

# In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.

# Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.

# All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.

# The only perfect science is hind-sight.

# Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.

# If it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t exist.

# If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

# When all else fails, read the instructions.

# If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

# Everything that goes up must come down.

(Thanks to Ryan at Friendster.com for these!)