My heart is filled with longing for someone I can not be with but see everyday. My eyes caress him, my fingers linger when I touch him, my heart is filled with song whenever I am with him, and yet my soul is drowning in sorrow for a love that can never be.

My thoughts move in his direction, my mind is awash with memories of his presence… the way he smiles, the sound of his voice, his laughter and the way his voice breaks when he speaks. I am surrounded by his very essence because his soul speaks to mine. We are one and yet different. We are soul mates.

Yet a soul mate does not necessarily signify a heart mate. He and I may be cut of the same spiritual cloth but he has a different weave when it comes to his heart.

My heart is a wellspring of emotions and it is overflowing with love for him. Yet to me his heart is covered in shadow. He hides so much a part of himself, the part that cries out to me. My heart too is hidden in fear of pain. The same way he tries to hide in fear of rejection.

From our parents we have felt psychological pain and suffering. So traumatic that our childhood experiences have changed the way our personalities have grown and developed forever. I can not move forward and change the way I am. And I know too that he can not do the same.

We are one and the same. We understand each other. We know how the other thinks. And yet when it comes to our emotions, we are lost. He is numb and I am drowning in mine. He is surviving and I am dying inside.

Without him I will be without anchor. And I am afraid that if I go any further in letting my emotions astray when it comes to him, I might break down. Please don’t make me love you more than I love you today. I can not bear it if you’re gone.